The 21 Most Important Dating Tips for Men

 Text versus call, hike versus drink, ask more or fewer questions… The ins and outs of dating can be very confusing for men these days. However, many of the tried and true dating tips never change. So in an effort to help out the fellas out there, we asked dating and relationship experts from across the board what the most important dating tips for men are.

Here’s their list of the top 21:

1. If you met someone in person, then ask for a date in person or on the phone.

“Don’t email or text to ask a woman out for the first time. The latter are impersonal, and dating is all about getting to know someone personally. It also sets a poor tone for the relationship’s communication dynamics.” – Erika Martinez, Psy.D. Licensed Psychologist

2. While online dating, don’t push too quickly to meet in person.

“For most women, online dating involves a certain level of risk and anxiety so spend time getting to know her online and through phone and video chats before suggesting meeting in person to ensure she feels comfortable.” – Dr. Wyatt Fisher, Clinical Psychologist

3. Take initiative.

“When you’re talking or texting while planning the date, as the guy always have a time and place in mind. You never want to get into one of those exchanges like… ‘What do you want to do? Oh I don’t know, what do you want to do?’ Be confident and make a recommendation.” – Radio Wright, Online Dating Expert

4. Make your first few dates in public.

“Make your first few dates in public and drive separately to let the lady know making her feel safe is your top priority.”- Dr. Wyatt Fisher, Clinical Psychologist

5. Take your date somewhere you’ll feel comfortable.

“You might think that you’re being a gentleman by letting your date decide where you go on your date, but women like to see that you can take control. Help cut through any nerves by arranging to meet up in familiar territory that will help you feel more comfortable.” – Nicolas Aujula, Relationship Coach and Therapist

6. Call her to confirm the date.

“Doctors and dentists do it; so should you. Since men usually don’t pick up the women they date, calling to confirm a date is pretty easy and puts the women at ease.” – Stef Safran, Matchmaking and Dating Expert

7. Look your best.

“A lot of guys don’t think about how they look before going on dates, even though women pay attention to the little details related to appearance. Make sure you are well-groomed (check for dirty fingernails, freshly apply deodorant, shower). Second, make sure your clothes match, aren’t wrinkled, and look decent on you.” –David Bennett, Dating Coach at The Popular Man

8. Confidence is key.

“The way you enter a room or share a glance are indicators of your confidence working for you or against you. When you feel odd or awkward people can pick up on that uneasiness which will equate to whether or not you are perceived as attractive. One of the best ways to make a good first impression is by showing your confidence.” – Denise Levy, Professional MatchMaker

9. Open doors and hold seats out.

“Women appreciate these old-school good manners. They also convey that you’re appreciative of her choosing to spend her time getting to know you.” – Erika Martinez, Psy.D. Licensed Psychologist

10. Turn off your phone.

“There’s nothing more annoying then phones going off while you’re trying to spend quality time with someone. Turn your phone off completely. If she knows that you’ve turned your phone off to focus entirely on the date, she’ll appreciate that you’re taking the time to engage with her fully.” – Nicolas Aujula, Relationship Coach and Therapist

11. Keep the conversation fun and flirty.

“Since guys tend to be very analytical, it’s easy for them to turn conversations into a fact-sharing session. Women find conversations like this boring. It’s fine to share facts, but make sure to add in humor, intrigue, and flirtatious overtones. This will make her excitedly hang on your every word.” -David Bennett, Dating Coach at The Popular Man

12. Avoid the ex conversation.

“Your date will not be interested and it can make things feel awkward. If your date does bring up the subject, try to keep answers short. Reassure her that your past is history and that you want to spend your time getting to know her instead.”– Nicolas Aujula, Relationship Coach and Therapist

13. Make your first few dates Action Dates.

“Most women aren’t dying to sit down for two hours to share a boring meal with a stranger, playing an awkward game of 20 questions. Instead, plan something more fun and adventurous. (Like bowling, hiking, kayaking.) Especially on the first few dates when impressions matter the most. Give them a date they’ll remember.”-David Bennett, Dating Coach at The Popular Man

14. Learn how to compliment.

“People put effort into getting ready for a date so take the time to compliment the other person and mean it! Not jus, ‘I like your dress’ but ‘I like how your dress brings out the color of your eyes.’ Always look for the best in others and it will bring out the best in you!”- Denise Levy, Professional MatchMaker

15. Keep it light hearted.

“Try to keep your conversation light-hearted. On your first date, you don’t want to get into an in-depth conversation about why you don’t enjoy your job, or other issues. Avoid talking about religion, politics, or recent news that’s controversial. Women want a guy who can make them laugh. Yes you do have to be serious sometimes, but in the early stages of dating, have some fun.”– Nicolas Aujula, Relationship Coach and Therapist

16. DO NOT talk about future plans during a first date.

“This is usually done out of lack of confidence hoping the girl wants to see you in the future. Women will feel this neediness. Just enjoy the date and if things go well, make future planes when you talk on the phone next.”– Radio Wright, Online Dating Expert

17. Leave a little mystery.

“When you are getting to know someone you do not want to lay all your cards out on the table or tell your entire life story. The sense of mystery keeps them coming back for more and creates a certain chemistry that will make you stand out from others.”- Denise Levy, Professional MatchMaker

18. Offer to make sure she gets to her cab, car, or her next destination.

“Make sure she gets in her car, cab, etc. safely. Women’s safety is important, showing her that you care about her, shows her that you are a gentleman.”- Stef Safran, Matchmaking and Dating Expert

19. Let her take the first step towards physical/sexual contact.

“This will help her feel like you care about her and not just her body and help her feel safe and that she’s in control of the pace you’re moving without pressure.”- Dr. Wyatt Fisher, Clinical Psychologist

20. Only say you will call her if you truly intend to.

“Women can handle rejection. More people complain about the flakiness and the ghosting. If you are not interested, don’t lead her on. After all, you never know if the next woman you date somehow knows her.”- Stef Safran, Matchmaking and Dating Expert

21. Don’t play games.

We get that you don’t want to seem needy, clingy, desperate, or overzealous. But if you’d like to see her again, just let her know. “You can weave it into the conversation at the end of the first date (e.g. ‘This was a great evening. Would you open to seeing each other again soon?’) If she says ‘yes’, then say, ‘Awesome. I’ll call you on ___ and set something up.’ Then follow through and call when you say you would.”- Erika Martinez, Psy.D. Licensed Psychologist

12 Dating Tips That Will Transform Your Love Life

 Real talk: Dating is sometimes harder than it should be. After countless dinners and drinks, it can be tempting to throw in the towel and resign to nights of forever watching Netflix alone in your bed. But when dating is done right, it can be amazing, and those great dates often lead to great relationships. So consider this your dating playbook, with all the information you need to survive the first date and make sure there's a second one.

Go Beyond the Bar Scene

Sure, you might meet the love of your life while sipping gin and tonics, but wouldn't it be so much cooler to say you met at a mud run? You never know where you're going to meet the next person you date, so if you're only looking in one spot (like that bar where you're a regular) then you're missing out on tons of possible partners. We know plenty of couples who have met while standing in line at the grocery store, a Target parking lot, even a naked reality show. The takeaway? Love can crop up anywhere, so get out there and keep your eyes open.

Let Your Friends Set You Up

No one loves you quite like your friends do, so let them set you up with someone that they can vouch for. "It's better for single people to meet through friends because there's a familiarity and comfort that goes with that," says behavioral scientist Christie Hartman, Ph.D. "A friend setting you up means the guy is 'vetted' to some extent." So let them play matchmaker—but first, lay down some rules. Make it clear ahead of time that the way the date goes is totally not a reflection on your friend, or you, or the guy. Hey, sometimes chemistry is there, and sometimes it isn't. So unless your friend is Patti Stanger, remind her that it's no one’s fault if this goes horribly wrong. (But if it goes totally right, you should probably buy her a drink).

Consider Dating Your Friends

The term "friend zone" should totally be banished—in part, because your friends can sometimes make the best dates. Think about it: Someone you're already friends with is likely to have similar values, to know your background and your family, and to make you feel ultra comfortable with them. Plus, friendship is the foundation for any relationship, so having that bond established can be key, says relationship expert Jane Greer, Ph.D., author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship.

Choose the Right Dating Site

The Internet is a beautiful thing: It brought us Twitter, cat videos, Orange Is the New Black, and now, it can bring you love. But when you're ready to make the plunge into online dating, how do you decide which site to sign up for? We found a handy cheat sheet from digital matchmaker Julie Spira, who gave us the lowdown on 12 popular dating sites. Think about what it is you want out of an online dating experience—A hookup? A boyfriend? A marriage?—then choose the site that matches your interests, so you're not just wasting your time online (that's what the cat videos are for).

Focus On First Impressions

First dates can be overwhelming, so streamline your focus into making the first few moments count. It takes only 12 minutes for you to decide if you're interested in the other person (and for them to decide if they dig you) so bring your A-game the second you arrive. To make a stellar first impression, make eye contact, smile, and focus on what he's saying, according to Susan RoAne, author of How to Work a Room: The Ultimate Guide to Making Lasting Connections—In Person and Online. And don’t forget to check in with yourself, too! You might be so focused on making a flawless first impression that you forget to ask yourself if you’re even into the other person.

Don't Play It Cool on a Date

We've all been told that guys love the chase, but according to research, that's not exactly true. One study showed that men are more attracted to responsive women, and women who were kind and warm right off the bat. That doesn't mean being over-the-top eager—you don't have to laugh at his jokes if they're not funny—but it's definitely OK to respond to that text in a timely manner, or tell him how much fun you're having. Being kind is definitely a turn on, so forget what you’ve been told about playing it ice-cold.

Avoid Oversharing 

Word-vomit happens, but one way to tank a first date is to admit how long you spent Google stalking him or accidentally blurt out, "Woah, you look exactly like my ex!" The censorship walls can come down after a little bit, but try to steer clear of these awkward comments on a first date, or we're guessing there won't be a second one.

Pay Attention to HOW You Talk to Each Other 

It's more than just what you're saying—it's how you say it. One study showed that when men talk to a woman they find attractive, they tend to vary their vocal pitch from high to low tones (in a sing-songy way). If you're looking to analyze the long-term potential, pay attention to the types of words you both use. Another study suggested that people who use the same function words (maybe you both say "quite" and "tons" a lot) are more likely to couple up and stay together.

Follow Their Gaze

Is it love at first sight? It depends on where their eyeballs land. Research suggests that when someone feels a romantic connection, his or her gaze tends to linger on the other person's face. When they just feel sexual desire, their eyes tend to wander around the person's body. During the next date you're on, follow their gaze. If he's staring into your eyes all night, there’s a good chance he's really into you.

Don't Let Your Friends Ruin Your Vibe 

Getting your friends' (and family's) opinion on your new beau is essential, but if you ask too soon, it could color your own feelings. One study showed that when opinions were framed differently—saying that "seven out of ten" people liked your date, versus "three out of ten" people didn't like him—it can seriously affect our own evaluation. So you might want to avoid asking for an outside opinion until you've gotten the chance to make one yourself.

If You're Not Into Him, Move On

Dating someone who you're just not into is a total waste of time. Be realistic with yourself: Are you embarrassed to call him your "boyfriend"? Has he met your friends? Would you rather be watching Netflix than talking to him? Are you only with him for fear of being single? These are all good signs that you're just not that into him, and you should peace out of this relationship. Trust us, being single is way better than being in a crappy relationship.

If At First You Don’t Succeed? Try, Try Again

We heard about a woman who committed to going on 100 dates this summer as a way of learning more about herself, and what she wants in a partner. While we don't think you necessarily need to do a dating marathon, it's often important to just get out there—especially if you feel like you’re in a rut. So when your date goes awry, or that relationship turns out to be a dud, don't give up. Your next amazing date might be right around the corner.

Dating Tips for Finding the Right Person

 Looking for love? These tips will help you find lasting love and build a worthwhile relationship.

Are you single and looking for love? Are you finding it hard to meet the right person? When you’re having trouble finding a love connection, it’s all too easy to become discouraged or buy into the destructive myths out there about dating and relationships.

Life as a single person offers many rewards, such as being free to pursue your own hobbies and interests, learning how to enjoy your own company, and appreciating the quiet moments of solitude. However, if you’re ready to share your life with someone and want to build a lasting, worthwhile relationship, life as a single person can also seem frustrating.

For many of us, our emotional baggage can make finding the right romantic partner a difficult journey. Perhaps you grew up in a household where there was no role model of a solid, healthy relationship and you doubt that such a thing even exists. Or maybe your dating history consists only of brief flings and you don’t know how to make a relationship last. You could be attracted to the wrong type of person or keep making the same bad choices over and over, due to an unresolved issue from your past. Or maybe you’re not putting yourself in the best environments to meet the right person, or that when you do, you don’t feel confident enough.

Whatever the case may be, you can overcome your obstacles. Even if you’ve been burned repeatedly or have a poor track record when it comes to dating, these tips can help put you on the path to finding a healthy, loving relationship that lasts.

Expectations about dating and finding love

When we start looking for a long-term partner or enter into a romantic relationship, many of us do so with a predetermined set of (often unrealistic) expectations—such as how the person should look and behave, how the relationship should progress, and the roles each partner should fulfill. These expectations may be based on your family history, influence of your peer group, your past experiences, or even ideals portrayed in movies and TV shows. Retaining many of these unrealistic expectations can make any potential partner seem inadequate and any new relationship feel disappointing.

Dating tip 1: Keep things in perspective

Don’t make your search for a relationship the center of your life. Concentrate on activities you enjoy, your career, health, and relationships with family and friends. When you focus on keeping yourself happy, it will keep your life balanced and make you a more interesting person when you do meet someone special.

Remember that first impressions aren’t always reliable, especially when it comes to Internet dating. It always takes time to really get to know a person and you have to experience being with someone in a variety of situations. For example, how well does this person hold up under pressure when things don’t go well or when they’re tired, frustrated, or hungry?

Be honest about your own flaws and shortcomings. Everyone has flaws, and for a relationship to last, you want someone to love you for the person you are, not the person you’d like to be, or the person they think you should be. Besides, what you consider a flaw may actually be something another person finds quirky and appealing. By shedding all pretense, you’ll encourage the other person to do the same, which can lead to an honest, more fulfilling relationship.

Tip 2: Build a genuine connection

The dating game can be nerve wracking. It’s only natural to worry about how you’ll come across and whether or not your date will like you. But no matter how shy or socially awkward you feel, you can overcome your nerves and self-consciousness and forge a great connection.

Focus outward, not inward. To combat first-date nerves, focus your attention on what your date is saying and doing and what’s going on around you, rather than on your internal thoughts. Staying fully present in the moment will help take your mind off worries and insecurities.

Be curious. When you’re truly curious about someone else’s thoughts, feelings, experiences, stories, and opinions, it shows—and they’ll like you for it. You’ll come across as far more attractive and interesting than if you spend your time trying to promote yourself to your date. And if you aren’t genuinely interested in your date, there’s little point in pursuing the relationship further.

Be genuine. Showing interest in others can’t be faked. If you’re just pretending to listen or care, your date will pick up on it. No one likes to be manipulated or placated. Rather than helping you connect and make a good impression, your efforts will most likely backfire. If you aren’t genuinely interested in your date, there is little point in pursuing the relationship further.

Pay attention. Make an effort to truly listen to the other person. By paying close attention to what they say, do, and how they interact, you’ll quickly get to know them. Little things go a long way, such as remembering someone’s preferences, the stories they’ve told you, and what’s going on in their life.

Put your smartphone away.You can’t truly pay attention or forge a genuine connection when you’re multitasking. Nonverbal communication—subtle gestures, expressions, and other visual cues—tell us a lot about another person, but they’re easy to miss unless you’re tuned in.

Tip 3: Put a priority on having fun

Online dating, singles events, and matchmaking services like speed dating are enjoyable for some people, but for others they can feel more like high-pressure job interviews. And whatever dating experts might tell you, there is a big difference between finding the right career and finding lasting love.

Instead of scouring dating sites or hanging out in pick-up bars, think of your time as a single person as a great opportunity to expand your social circle and participate in new events. Make having fun your focus. By pursuing activities you enjoy and putting yourself in new environments, you’ll meet new people who share similar interests and values. Even if you don’t find someone special, you will still have enjoyed yourself and maybe forged new friendships as well.

Tip 4: Handle rejection gracefully

At some point, everyone looking for love is going to have to deal with rejection—both as the person being rejected and the person doing the rejecting. It’s an inevitable part of dating, and never fatal. By staying positive and being honest with yourself and others, handling rejection can be far less intimidating. The key is to accept that rejection is an inevitable part of dating but to not spend too much time worrying about it. It’s never fatal.

Tip 5: Watch for relationship red flags

Red-flag behaviors can indicate that a relationship is not going to lead to healthy, lasting love. Trust your instincts and pay close attention to how the other person makes you feel. If you tend to feel insecure, ashamed, or undervalued, it may be time to reconsider the relationship.

Tip 6: Deal with trust issues

Mutual trust is a cornerstone of any close personal relationship. Trust doesn’t happen overnight; it develops over time as your connection with another person deepens. However, if you’re someone with trust issues—someone who’s been betrayed, traumatized, or abused in the past, or someone with an insecure attachment bond—then you may find it impossible to trust others and find lasting love.

If you have trust issues, your romantic relationships will be dominated by fear—fear of being betrayed by the other person, fear of being let down, or fear of feeling vulnerable. But it is possible to learn to trust others. By working with the right therapist or in a supportive group therapy setting, you can identify the source of your mistrust and explore ways to build richer, more fulfilling relationships.

Tip 7: Nurture your budding relationship

Finding the right person is just the beginning of the journey, not the destination. In order to move from casual dating to a committed, loving relationship, you need to nurture that new connection.